I got a plastic crown with gems you made with bare hands

And I'm ungrateful.

Sometimes you feel like the world owes you.
Yes, you're not the smartest, not the prettiest, not an heiress, not extraordinary. But you still feel like things should revolve around you. Well, I do. I feel like that a lot of times in a week, and it's NOT too great of a feeling.

I am selfish in so many ways. I know it is not serving me well, but I just can't stop. It's not like a drug addiction that I have some chemicals to blame for altering my perception. I'm just too selfish sometimes that I take advantage of you. I do it, just because I can. It is wrong, and I ought to stop behaving this way.

But slowly, I fool myself.
You are just too convinced I'm a princess, and it is really hard to turn down such a glamorous offer.


So maybe you should stop too before I ask for an entire kingdom made of graham crackers.

Steppin out of the sandbox

I'm stepping out of the sandbox. You can't stop me just cause 'di kayo bati'. Yes, it does feel like I'm dealing with toddlers, that I am one too. I must grow up.

We are friends, really good friends. But it's not about taking sides. I can't just go on passing on out of town adventures, or being friends with really interesting people just 'cause you don't like them. How many smiles have I forced on myself to welcome some girl you just met at a bar. How many girls have you brought to the guy I like, just cause we're not official. Dicks don't mix I get it, but don't you dare to wonder- where have all the old girls gone.

It sucks to be in a gimik barkada who doesn't grow up. When the fun subsides, its just them boys who are tight. I miss my 'ates'. I envy their courage, they've all stepped out of the sandbox. They stepped out not because it's not fun anymore, but because it's all about fun.

How many boyfriends have you rejected?
How many friendships have you tried to stop?
How many issues have you made bigger, just 'cause the girls have other clicks.

I'm sorry if I'm offending you. But it just gets clearer to me. The poor girl did not deserve to be judged. "Now she's branded" you say and you tried to stop it. I don't really think so. You failed her. I failed her, in the time she needed us most. She ventured out into the world without us catching her back. And I should feel bad.

What about the other one who tried so hard to keep his boy so distant, and the other one who's passionately in love but you'd still say "Nah, that guy's a loser". The sweet girl did not have to make excuses. Maybe these girls go, 'cause that's JUST how you see us-- just girls, or chicks even. Who wouldn't loathe in the flattery, in the fun, in the adventures? But who would choose to just have that? Apparently, I.

I am the only one left. For a good reason too, 'cause I know my loyalties.

But sometimes, you have to ask, when does this loyalty expire.

Everyone needs a little shaking up. Go ahead and say, 'mapapalitan ka naman eh'.
Go ahead and say, 'She's just being dramatic'.

There's that entire other side, where bigger boys and girls slide and ride see-saws. Maybe I'm up for another time on the monkey bars. Maybe I'm the only one keeping myself in senseless shovels amongst sand. Maybe I should leave this playground. Maybe, maybe, but I'm definitely stepping out of this box.

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No disclaimers.
This is how I feel.