Mostly everyone who knows me, knows a big chunk of the little things about me- the crazy girl, the party girl, outspoken, seldom shy, the dancer, the girl who isn't afraid to dress up or dress down in any occasion, anywhere.
I am the girl who had tried this or that, and in all directions too.
I am the girl who can be passionate as an ecclectic artist and as oblivious as a cheerleader.
I am the girl who knows a lot of people but always the last to know of people and their gossips.
I am the girl who accepts clicks and groups as a fact of life but sincerely believes I can learn from anyone, from everyone, no matter how much I refuse to look at their face and no matter how much I deny.
I never cheated on a test. But I cheated on my boy friend, technicalities aside.
My boy friend cheated on me, (technicalites aside), I forgave him and punished him sublimely, really, without him knowing.
I can do damage to anyone with a feeble image of himself. Anyone who sincerely pities himself has no real chance of success. And anyone who thinks that he's too good to learn anything more is a fool.
I am pushy. I am encouraging. I am inspiring. I can drive people mad. They love me or they hate me, I can live with that and I can live without that.
BUT
I am quiet. I am insecure. I like books. I am responsible. I observe people, things, the color of the skies and I jot down whatever feelings or thoughts they give me.
People don't perceive me as the type who'd spend an entire afternoon alone with a good cup of coffee and book.
People don't know about my plans for the future and the wonderful things I turned down for a mere shot at the future I wanted. All they know is that I want to be a beauty doctor. But really, you tell people what they want to hear. You tell people what is easy to say.
You tell people the truth, but they hear the echoes of their truths. These are the things you let go by.
I have all these inspirations in my head, topics I want to write about and things I want to do. I have these stories in my head that needs to be verbalized. But I haven't written in so long, I am rusty and insecure. I will find time for these characters and settings and moments to live in words. I will find time to write about people around me. I am afraid I won't do them justice so I write about myself.
'Cause everything is about me.
'Cause everything is about you.
That's why you try to relate to the things I say, you identify with my rants, my realizations and my habit of thinking aloud.
Every person craves relevance. Every person wants to say something about themselves, but not everyone uses words or art. Some people seem to keep too much to themselves. Those people are types I have yet to appreciate.
Now, I teach myself to be quiet. I let myself be quiet. I go back to my book. I let myself be content with jotting down the ideas in my head in my little maroon notebook. Someday I will write about them, someday I will surpass myself, someday I will something extraordinary but now, I learn to keep to myself.
