i need to forgive myself.

I thought I was doing fine. I thought I was handling it well. I thought I was strong.
But the ghosts of my 2008 is catching up well with me.

I want to leave it behind.
We have made our peace.
I loved you and I do love you. The break up is taking forever but it is clearer now.
We can do this.
We can forgive each other.
I feel that you love me but we are past the boiling point.

Thank you for being nice to me in the ways you know how.
I know I am not alone in the pain.
I know that maybe you'll never understand it the way I experienced it.

We have made peace with each other.
It is time I search for my peace.

I need to grieve.
I need to let go of the "what ifs"
I need to let her go.
I need to forgive myself.

Lord, I pray you give me the strength to start today.