And i did it for your mother.
There's a fine line with having fun and being an ASSHOLE. To think you made me feel like a complete sl*t when I showed up in a bar with some guy you despised. You made me think how my ways SHOULD make me feel bothered like I'm some girl gone wild when I haven't done anything.... nothing compared to the STUNT you pulled.
It is okay to do anything cause nothing binds us together. But it's called decency not to do it upfront. Just like I smoke but will never smoke infront of my mom.
YOU SAY it was nothing and it meant nothing. (TALK ABOUT BEER GOGGLES) But that's besides the point. YOU HAVE TO GET OVER YOURSELF. A high score in some test doesn't give you license to trample on people's emotions, people who really DID consider having that friendship with you. OH MY DEAR LORD, I don't want you back! You have to shove that in your head. Here I am thinking how selfish I am getting when it is you who THINK EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.
I am really happy with how things WERE. I have someone I can look up to, someone who kept me in check. Someone who inspired me to be better in just everything. I was having fun and I liked how selfless I could get. I enjoyed the nonsense talks, the shopping, the monkeying around and that part where you shared your dreams.
But just like a little girl looking up to his father, learning he was some Drug Lord or some little girl holding on a dear teddy bear, just to find out it was stolen, I felt robbed.
I felt robbed.
I feel bad and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Right now, it's not about what IT SEEMS anymore. Pride tells me not to talk. Friends tell me to hold it in. But I am talking, I am talking.
I am talking because this is about an END.
This is the part I give up. All these years I saw a person that nobody else did. I saw the dreamer who could actually make things possible. I saw beyond what a reputation dictates. Not just because I loved you, but because I believed in you. I believed in you without you wanting me to. And it's something I just had to, something I did, something I can not and will not ever take against you.
It's funny how a single NOTHING can change so much.
You tell me seeing me with him that night made you realize how I have my own world. I did nothing but to make your stay sweet as possible, making you priority; writing your essay; waking you up to make sure you studied for your test; checking up on you after your gimiks.
AND this is how it ends. TWO DAYS before you leave, you shove it all to my face.
You're probably saying right now "What did I ever do to you"
The reason you don't know, the reason you have no idea, the reason why you think you didn't deserve that slap on your face is very simple...
You are much too self-absorbed.
It's not about how a boyfriend treats her girlfriend.
It's not about how a brother treats his little sister.
Heck, it's not even about how friends treat each other.
IT'S ABOUT DECENCY.
IT'S ABOUT BASIC RESPECT.
IT'S ABOUT YOU MAKING ME FEEL THE HELL OVER SOMETHING WHEN YOU'RE THERE DOING "NOTHING" AND MAKING ME FEEL SO BAD ABOUT MYSELF.
You say at this point, you don't exist.
And it's probably going to be really lonely when you're back there.
But unlike before, this time, you've got one less person thinking about you, wishing that you're okay, praying for your dreams to come true.
You wanted me to get over it cause you think I am so in love with you. Well there you go.
I am not ashamed to say that hey, I really do love this guy. I loved him enough to let him go. I loved him enough to pray at night that he finds courage to leave and accomplish his dreams.
I do love you and it wasn't even about being in a relationship. I loved the person you wanted to be. I loved everything, even your foolish ways. IT WAS NEVER about being your girl. If I wanted a boyfriend, we both know I could have one. Someone who loves me and treats me WAY better than you can dream of doing.
I loved loving you because it was the first time I loved anyone without conditions. It was the first solid proof that I wasn't completely jaded and selfish.
BUT everyone has their limits.
I sucked it up last night cause you didn't deserve your night to be ruined. I sucked it up cause your mom asked me to.
TODAY is a different day.
A little girl can only do so much.
Your brother is right. WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS. We should stop pushing it.
And even if this blog wreaks of bitterness,
I know I am okay.
I will be okay. Because I am true to myself.
We had a good run.
I know I will never have as much fun, disgust, appreciation, awe and admiration for anyone as I did for the overconfident smart-ass rocker wannabe.
But if it will just END this way, in a NOTHING way, then am I glad it will never happen for me again.
Goodbye my dear.
I will always have fond memories of you and I will always love your family. But the letting go part is WAY overdue. Don't fool yourself, we can never be friends cause this is the point I realize I can't be friends with all my exes.
Now that's done.... My birthday's to come. There will always be something to cheer about.
DISCLAIMER: GUYS, it's not as bad as it sounds. And it's not a lie either... Girls would agree with me on this one. Some "days" you're just more emotional. AND I'm a frustrated-writer wanna be. :) It was my alter ego "Kiwi" speaking...
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