Yes I know, you told me so.

Can i just say...When I see you and him together, I can't help but smile..:p i know its difficult but i see the difference in what you have. I know you love him and it sucks things are the way they are but what matters is you had your time together. Just cause you love yourself doesn't mean you didn't love at all...Love isn't about your all anyway. There's always got to be some room for yourself.

It's funny really.
It's quite amusing how you learn the things you've always known.
I always get "I told you so".
I always get unsolicited advices from my sisters, from my friends and from nosy little parkers.

But I've always done things my way, the painful way.

Right now, this blog sounds too much like it's all about him. NO, not really. It's about me. It's always about me.

He just made me realize so much about myself. And it sucks to finally admit some things as true. It sucks to learn things when you've already done something you can't take back. It sucks that you see yourself as a different person but then your actions prove otherwise.

At the end of the night, I know who I really am.

But what does that mean really. Does it account for anything at all when no other person can see it? Do you really have to go emo and bare your soul just to prove you actually have a soul?

I can't come to everyone about things that depress me. I come to you. I come to him. Several times, I told him how I am worried that I might be playing with emotions already. How I want to change some of my ways. He tells me, It's okay and now's the time to do whatever I want, cause I AM YOUNG. I've done something out of line apart from the many others. It really wasn't my intention. But whatever the intention was, the point was I did something that hurt my friends.

No matter how much I say that it was something insignificant, I have to own up to what I've done.

My sister tells me that I seem not to know any boundaries. Party girl or not, some things don't have to be said anymore. It's like I always have to experience both sides of the spectrum before I realize what's true for me.

They say you learn from your mistakes. But what's the point really if all that you' ve learned comes from the mistakes you've made. Do I really have to fall before I trust? Why can't I just take your word for it.

I'm a knuckle head, that's why.

And now I feel bad for many things. I feel bad about me. It's not your fault you made me realize how much of an ass I am. Oh sorry, you meant asshole.
Losing something, losing someone AGAIN, losing someone you've never really had is really not my favorite thing.

I am not liking you right now. But I'm not liking myself more.

You inspire me above all. I get so hyped up in just thinking of my goals and how much I want to achieve. You make me want to be that girl again. And with just that, I can't be bitter about anything. It's not a relationship I'm after, oh please. But I feel like the quality of our friendship doesn't count for much anymore. That's sad. But what's sadder is I know it's my fault.

I need to love myself the right way.
Being selfish is just not that.

It's funny really; how you learn things you've always known.
It's funny.
But I'm not laughing now.